roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
