Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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