I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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