dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
