Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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