Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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