she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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