i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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