I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
