i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
