At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
