I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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