well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
