ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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