just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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