I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize