yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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