all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
