its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
