U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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