I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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