that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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