Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
