every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
