Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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