bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
