You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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