and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
