For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Still dying that you shit outside
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
