thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
