i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
