Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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