Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
