oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
