Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize