The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Operation Purity has been aborted
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my liver is dry heaving
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