It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
organizing the empties. That sober.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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