Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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