Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
