I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
