this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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