: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
