I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize