Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
