ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize