I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
His nipple licking is glorious
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