strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize