So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
