I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
where am i from again
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
sex in a hospital.. check
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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