Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
