Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
