Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
