its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
