every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
