my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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