You really coming over, don't trick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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