I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
