I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
