i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Let's paint friendship bongs
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
