Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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