Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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