Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
