so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
