You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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