so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
