Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
