it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize