just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
