She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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