Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
