Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
birth control should be required to get into college
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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