So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
