The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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