Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize