Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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