Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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