Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
