They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
