Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
