Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
