i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize