why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
