I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
