Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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