A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
