The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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