I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
