I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
