D3 body, D1 cock
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
