I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
