Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
