I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
