i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
