Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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